Mary McAdams

December 19th, 2011

Humanity

This year I’ve been trying to gain a little understanding into our shared humanity.  My own humanity and that of those I share this world with.  By that, I mean everyone.

There is this deep sense of understanding within me and I don’t know where it comes from.  Perhaps my elders honed it within themselves and passed it on to me.  People will never fail to fail.  Mistakes are for making.  Perhaps it’s like the old expression goes, “It’s not the absurdity, it’s your reaction to it.”  It’s not, “how could God let it happen?”  Instead perhaps, God is in our reaction to what happened.

I forgive.  I need to be forgiven.  Don’t get me wrong, I hold grudges; but I don’t hold them well, I don’t hold them long and I can only hold one at a time.  It’s a curse and it’s a blessing.  My memory is short.  And that is a curse and it’s a blessing.

At one point, I started a list, so I wouldn’t forget.  Then a  friend would see me talking to someone who had dissed me, and say, “Why were you talking to her? After what she did to you?”  I had forgotten former said dissing.  But keeping the list was killing me.  Forgetting was far easier.  People change.  They do better when they know better.

I feel like I’ve seen it all this year.  Or maybe I’m just seeing with new eyes.

People will fail you.  People will disappoint you.  It’s not necessarily a character flaw.  We’re all reaching.  None of us are there yet.  I’m beginning to think it’s just our humanity.  We are flawed.  I don’t have it figured out yet, but I do know that it’s not cause for alarm.  I’m beginning to think it’s an opportunity for understanding.

We hold people to high standards.  And then they show their humanity.  We are surprised.  Maybe their failings are less about them, and more about us.  Maybe what’s important is our reaction and our understanding.

October 31st, 2011

Hello!

I’m just back from spending a day at the Sonic Factory Recording Studio, what could be called my favorite place on the planet!  Well, favorite place in Des Moines maybe (Maui being my favorite planet place).

I am late, as usual, recording a Christmas song for y’all.  Why get going on things early, when you can wait and make it a RUSH job?  Luckily, the Sonic guys had a one-day opening in their schedule and I snuck in.  I had the song picked out, so it was pretty quick work.  I went in with the expectation that the song would include me on vocals and Tony Bohnenkamp (Sonic co-owner) on piano.  I envisioned a real stripped-down rendition of Jolly Old St. Nicholas, very earthy.  Tony had other plans.  He had me play guitar and left it at that.  It sounded pretty good “his” way, so I adjusted my expectations.  I love veering off in new directions and making little mistakes in the studio and have come to embrace them wholeheartedly.  They somehow always end up being the brilliant, magic part.

The session began with me sitting down to go over my guitar part while Tony built a “cage” of microphones around me.  I played guitar into a SM57 instrument mic (typical), another mic I should know the name of (but don’t), and a very cool $3,000 ribbon mic.  Ahhh, sweet.  ”Be very careful with this one”, Tony said. It made me sound like, well, not a million bucks – but at least 3,000 bucks.

Once I’m behind my mic wall, I’m pretty much not going anywhere until we get a few takes recorded.  It was a good morning; it is a simple song and we made quick progress.  Vocals were next and that’s easily my favorite part.  I could have sung it over and over all day.  Again, I got to sing into an old (let’s say “vintage” rather than “antique”) mic worth a ton of money.  I wore headphones while I was singing and I could hear every nuance of the room, the mic and my voice.  I was in heaven.  I love my job.

Now we wait.  We give it a few days without listening to it and meet up early next week to make any modifications — with fresh ears.  Then, we haul it over to iTunes and it should be available in about 10 days – just in time!  It will be a digital download “single” for this year, but I may gather up all these Christmas songs I’ve recorded and put out an entire album one of these Novembers.  It will be a last minute thing, of course…

Thanks for listening!

Mary

September 30th, 2011

This week I was given the chance to go back in time. The years evaporated.

My husband and I were given some of the best advice of our lives, by Evgueni Ananiev, when our first daughter was born.  Evgueni was a dear friend, a colleague and a brilliant Russian scientist.

When our first baby was born, Evgueni, an amateur filmmaker told us, “You’ve got to document a life.  You must go and purchase a recording devise.”  Hear this in your head with a thick Russian accent.

My husband was working as a post doc at the University and we lived in a tiny apartment off-campus.  Every item we bought for the baby was second hand.  There was no money for a recording devise.  But my husband listened to Evgeni and went shopping.  It’s still the best one-two punch of good advice followed by action of our married life.

We recorded.  And recorded.  And recorded.  I focused our fancy, brand new, state-of-the-art, way expensive, 8mm tape, video camera on our beautiful baby while she slept.  Yup, hours of her sleeping.  We recorded her every waking moment as well … for about 3 months, until the excitement of the baby-camera combination wore off.  We reduced our recording to a modest 4-5 hours a day.

Along comes baby number 2.  Rinse, repeat.

Fast forward to 2009.  I’m in the basement with an 18-gallon Rubbermaid bin FULL of 8mm video tapes.  We’ve got a new digital video camera.  My kids childhoods are trapped in that Rubbermaid bin.

I investigate my options and purchase the perfect solution.  “Easy VHS (and 8mm) to DVD for Mac” software.  Yeah right.

We install, call, reboot and restart.  It won’t work.  Then the camera breaks.  The camera being an essential part of the video to digital transfer…

I surrender and hire a friend to help us.  “I’ve got 18 gallons of life to transfer, can you help?”  He signs on.  He cannot immediately figure it out either but he knows we’ve got trouble with our computer for sure.  Then he has his own baby.  (I advise him to buy a camera).  Months go by.

Last week we decided to re-open this Rubbermaid can of worms.  I turned on the Screen Share two days in a row and left the house.  Hard drives were backed up, drives were wiped clean, updates were downloaded and data re-installed.  All done remotely.  Technology is cool.

“Try it again,” he said.

And there it was.  It worked.  The tape stuck in the camera was dated September 2001.  Ten years ago to the month.  I burned a DVD of the transferred footage and stuck it in the DVD player in the other room.

I sat there mesmerized.  The first shot was my 14month old daughter gently placing a new roll of paper towels in a sink full of water.  I was secretly taping her.  You hear me sneak up on her.  I say “Ah ha … so this is how the paper towels end up in the sink.  We don’t put paper towels in the sink, honey.  Can you please put them on the counter instead?”

Wow … I was patient back then.  Holy crap.

She looks at the camera.  She’s been caught.  She smiles, puts the paper towels on the counter and nods ‘yes’.  She climbs down off the little footstool and toddles away, the camera following her.

I watched the hour long tape of my girls. I watched it with the girls when they got home from school and I watched it again with my husband that night.  Something shifted inside of me.  I remembered who those little girls were and maybe I remembered who I was.

I was so patient back then.  I never raised my voice.  We had no homework, no grades, no stress, no schedules.  All we did was play, share, help, read, dance, sing and be kind to one another.  We had so much time.

All I know is that watching those innocent little girls and their pure joy for life was like hitting the reset button for me.   When did I get so rushed?  Why is everything such a big deal?  Do I show them half as much love today as I used to then?

I wanted to go back to those sweet little girls, tuck them in beside me and read a stack of books, just like we used to.  My heart was starting to ache inside my chest.  I was extra kind to those teenagers when they walked in the house.

Parenting doesn’t stay the same folks.  It changes.  The moving target of struggles and challenges are new and tougher every day.  I have no idea when this will end.

My parenting advise.  Take a lot of video of your kids.  Even if you can’t afford it.  Share a high-end camera with another set of parents.  Split the cost.  It’s do-able.  It’s going to be over in the blink of an eye.

Then go back and visit these tapes when your toddlers become teenagers and they stretch their wings and push against you and everything else in their lives.  Because this too, this pushing, is age appropriate behavior.  It will remind you of what a miracle they are.  When the stress of everyday life beats it out of you and them, you can remember.  I caught on tape the day my daughter learned how to nod.  She didn’t talk until she was almost 2 so this communication was awesome.  I was jumping for joy that she learned to to nod … how to confirm in the affirmative!

Oh yes, it’s the little things.  So grateful to have found the reset button.  So grateful for a husband who listens to good advice.